Get better at guiding people by cultivating these 5 behaviors

Facilitators are present in many industries and professions, from business leaders to yoga instructors. While leading a group of executives versus a studio full of yogis might look tactically different, there’s overlap in the behaviors required to be successful at the job.

With the knowledge that there are guides all around us, I wanted to look to others who guide professionally in different industries and inquire about their work. What do they see as important to effectively guiding others? I wondered if I might learn from this inquiry — not only for my own knowledge — but to share with you.

I connected with a realtor, a business leader, a fishing guide and a yoga instructor who, like me, are facilitators, but in very different contexts.

Across our conversations there were five key behaviors that stood out. While some were familiar and validating, others offered a unique perspective that I hadn’t thought of before.

If you regularly find yourself at the helm steering people through experiences, these behaviors are something you’ll want to pay attention to.

1. Be courageous, curious, and humble

There’s a misconception that if you’re running the show you have everything under control and every answer at the ready. But any good facilitator knows they actually play a supporting role that’s purpose is to help teams, clients, and students uncover their own answers.

My friend Dan Phan, business leader and founder of The Late Majority, put it like this:

“Sometimes we are trying to navigate new territory together where no one is an expert. It takes courage to admit that we might not have all the answers and curiosity to question what we think we know or what we assume a solution will be. No one likes to learn from someone who thinks they know it all.”

Remember, your role as a guide is not to tell participants what to think, but to help them to unlock their own solutions and revelations. A little humility, curiosity and courage goes a long way in making that happen.

2. Be human

Good guides know how important it is to connect with people on a human level. Helping someone feel seen and heard is key to gaining their trust and encouraging vulnerability, which most participants are asked to do (whether you’re in a Design Sprint or buying a home).

Greta Fay, a REALTOR in the Minneapolis area told me:

“I love to find ways that we may relate, ask questions, listen, notice. This helps to establish a level of trust that is needed in the process, to learn communication and processing styles, and talk through each step of the process multiple times.”

When we build this baseline the outcomes are better for all parties involved. A Design Sprint team might explore more ideas and find better solutions, while a homebuyer might end up with the house of their dreams, all thanks to a genuine and empathic connection.

3. Commit to continuous growth and learning

There are always more resources and tools to help us get better at our vocations. If you’re feeling stagnant, it’s probably not because you’ve already learned everything, but because you need to push outside of your comfort zone to build new capabilities.

Bret Oeltjenbruns is a fly-fishing instructor and guide who I had the pleasure of fishing with last summer. I really like the advice he shared for guides who are just starting out:

“I would tell them to be confident in their skill set, but always be willing to learn new techniques when it comes to fishing or how to interact with clients. Be kind to yourself. We are guides, not gods. We can’t control the weather or when fish want to eat.”

Whether you fly fish or lead teams through strategy workshops, you can always do something to sharpen your skill set (while also being gentle with yourself).

Dan also mentioned this:

“Always be learning. I spend a good amount of my time reading and researching the business or industry. I’ve seen so many people who believe being a nice and empathetic person is enough to guide or facilitate groups, but participants also rely on you for ideas, knowledge, and ability to understand nuances about their business.”

Bottom line: commit to being a lifelong student. It pays dividends.

4. Trust yourself

Self doubt, impostor syndrome, lack of confidence — these are all sinister mindsets that slowly eat away at our ability to lead effectively. We have to learn how to trust in our capabilities, or as KJ, a yoga instructor and the owner of HUM studio put it:

“Trust yourself. Let go of your expectations. Speak with love, gratitude, and compassion. Let go of comparisons. Listen, and connect with your spirit. If you move, and speak from your heart you can’t go wrong.”

For Bret, this means taking time before every trip or class to affirm himself:

“I write a note for myself saying: ‘Today is going to be a great trip.’ or ‘The class I am presenting to will be successful, and this will provide the opportunity for returning clients.’ This helps me envision that the day or class will be great no matter what changes in weather or other changes may come up that are out of my control.”

5. Learn to hold space for experiences, people, and feelings

This is a big one, and it’s really contingent on a guide’s ability to practice behaviors 1–4. Whether you’re leading clients through the home buying process or helping beginners learn to fly fish for the first time, it’s essential that the emphasis is on them and their goals.

This requires an ability to read people and hold space for their experiences. As KJ says:

“Sometimes the energy of people may be low, or you can feel that perhaps some people in class had a bad day or are struggling with something. When I guide a session, I hold space for my students. I don’t try to force them to have a certain experience or outcome, but I just meet them where they’re at, and continue to provide love, and encouragement throughout class.”

I also really loved this sentiment from Bret:

“I would describe my role as being someone that provides a safe and unforgettable experience to all skill levels of fly-fishing individuals. In my opinion, when it comes to guiding, it is not about catching the biggest or the highest quantity of fish. You need to be able to communicate with clients on expectations and read people’s personality types and how they learn in a short amount of time.”

No matter what capacity you find yourself guiding in, these behaviors will help you get better at helping others. At the end of the day, our job as guides is to support our clients, or yogis, or homebuyers, or aspiring fly fishers, or business leaders, and beyond. And we can do that by curating and steering experiences centered around their needs.

Special thanks to contributors Dan Phan, Greta Fay, Kjirsten (KJ) Fogelson and Bret Oeltjenbruns.